Butt Snorkeler Black And Gold Snapback Hat
Look at it. You're the captain now. No more pink eye because you've made your way up the totem. You've dove and you've dove deep. Sometimes too deep, but that's all in a butt snorkeler's line of work. It comes with the territory when you're digging for gold in the booty. You go down with the ship no matter what, even if there is a quartet playing the cello, violin, and a few other string instruments like in Titanic.
Don't wear this hat if you're shy. Don't even look at it because you're telling the world you're a diver. A diver of the anus. That's enough weight on your shoulders to sink the unsinkable - the Boston Whaler. Snorkels up.