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Now that everyone is calm, let's talk about these neon palm tree shorts. If Jurassic Park was infested with magic mushrooms, these rave shorts would be the end product. They pop. If you can't see that from the images, then we're doing something wrong. So, instead of explaining in words how bright and intricate the design of these neon festival shorts is, let's talk Jurassic Park a little more.

Remember the time a volunteer child remarks, "That Velociraptor doesn't look very scary. More like a six-foot turkey." Dr. Alan Grant, clearly not caring that he is talking to a child AND a volunteer replies:

"A turkey, huh? OK, try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this 'six-foot turkey' as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you. A six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes you across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know, try to show a little respect."


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Product Details

  • Slim Fit
  • Brand: Shinesty
  • Designed in Boulder, CO
  • Material: Made of Premium 100% Polyester aka the type of material that makes you look like a gawd damn GQ model. 
  • 7" inseam
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