The First Chair

USA Retro Ski Beanie

It’s 6:00 AM. You slide on your chainmail armor, polish your long sword, put your American Flag Beanie on and say a quick prayer. The battle for First Chair has begun. What seems like an endless horde of Gapers advances on your position in the lift line, but you stand your ground heroically and manage to win against all odds. After the fog of war clears, a scene is revealed to all bystanders with you resting on top of the hopes and dreams of your conquered enemies. Then the head Ski Patroller descends from his heavenly throne at the top of the world and blesses you with the holiest of all privileges. First chair baby.